Home Trends 169 Romina Cavagnola: Empowering women through words and the healing power of story

169 Romina Cavagnola: Empowering women through words and the healing power of story

by smart

hi guys welcome back to into the light a different life story my show on youtube and as a podcast with me your host stefan neff today is another fantastic day for an interview because i’ve got romina cavaniola here with me romina is a woman who is a wordsmith of the of the highest nature and she loves her words so much that she has made a living out of it so romina i’m so pleased that you’re here on my show i’m humbled and thank you so much welcome bromina have fun thank you for having me it’s really great to be here now you have got such beautiful labels that i didn’t want to butcher so how how do you call yourself how would you describe yourself if you stand in a dinner party next to someone who says oh what are you doing well i would say to them i am a soul copywriter a story crafter and a publisher very nice and with that you already have got three different angles and it’s so beautiful beautiful thank you yeah i i went with soul copy because that is just i feel that that really captures what i do with my clients when we work on their content together it’s it’s it’s more than just copywriting it’s really drawing out the essence of what they want to say and then writing words in their voice and and weaving that essence through it so i i refer to that as soul copy hence the hence the label and storycrafter is really just about helping my clients going through the process of connecting with their story identifying what are the elements of it what are the themes and what is the core message of their story and then crafting their story around those pillars so it’s really all about the process and the way that i work and well publisher is pretty pretty self-explanatory because life is complicated enough as it is as as you have found out in your journey um it’s all quite fine i’m newly pregnant yes i fight my child and then everything turns to bloody custard and yeah that was your story in a nutshell and but then again you actually changed and you you became the new and improved version uh and you said hey come on i like storytelling as it is why don’t i become a publisher uh that takes balls not bad have you got a background have you got a background in publishing or i do actually uh-huh yeah so where did where was that coming from where did you work there oh well okay well i guess that i mean it’s somewhat of a long story but i originally i i’ve always loved writing and i wanted to do something with writing but i had that um about you know writing is not a secure job kind of you know um and so in the end i studied my undergrad as um arts information systems and i ended up working in an i.t graduate program after that and in the middle well in the middle of that degree i had a bit of a nervous breakdown oh my god what am i going to be when i finish this because it’s not the same as you study medicine you’re a doctor or you study law and you’re a lawyer at the end of this you’re like just a person who can talk to tech people and non-tech people i’m like what even is that um but it was actually a really useful set of skills that i gained from that but during the graduate program i started to have that similar feeling of this is not really what i meant to be doing and the most interesting thing about this is writing user manuals you don’t study it and go and work in it if you want to write user manuals right and so i started exploring what else i could do because i was also in the middle of doing a post-grad project management degree at the time and i thought that’s also something that’s not really um making me feel alive it’s just something i feel like i should do and i went back to uni and started with a sort of a media and communications um degree and in one of those classes one of the guys was doing this degree that for some reason i had not found master of publishing and i thought why did i not find this degree and you know what’s within this degree and i went and looked at this course and it sounded amazing i thought that’s it i’m changing into this course and that kind of was the start of that of that journey of being able to work in that space of of content and in publishing area and as as a result of of doing that i ended up working on a community project that my um ex-husband created we were engaged at the time and he was doing a leadership program and part of that was to create a community project some some kind of way to impact the community of your chosen community and he was inspired by his grandmother’s stories and she had these amazing stories from spain and she would always tell them to everybody and he thought wouldn’t it be great if we could do this for more people and i said that sounds amazing i’m going to publish that so we kind of that’s how we started we started this project went on for about seven years we ended up with three volumes of of that book and they were all collections of stories from senior citizens and the intention behind that was to preserve their stories and and their legacies really to to leave that wisdom and that experience that is so completely different to what we have these days to the younger generations and yeah it really is and and it was you know through that process of of producing the book and then having these little launch events for the people who were in it and the team members we we all volunteers we published this by um getting grants from our council by our fundraising by putting in some money ourselves and you know family and friends um sort of all pitching in to pay for the publishing costs like the printing costs and and um what we did then was we gave copies to the seniors and also to the team members and then we sold the rest for for um charity like for fundraising and and throughout that process we had actually lost a couple of the seniors and in those moments we really understood and in particular really connected with that the the the importance of preserving stories and i actually had a a very timely reminder yesterday i actually attended the funeral of one of those um seniors she was my next-door neighbor for 30 years um at my parents home and that that was a really humbling experience because during the eulogy her grandson mentioned this book that you know one of his aunts had told him about and i thought oh gosh i know what he’s talking about and then he went on to make clear what this book was and i thought wow that’s the impact that we had in not only her life but in her family’s life and you know yeah it was amazing and it’s just such such a um kind of like a a validation of what i’ve chosen to do with my my work is is you know being in that moment and seeing you know there is such a power in preserving story there’s such an impact that you leave in in the world you make that mark you know and and and i basically had that sort of flame burning from that moment from when we made that first book which was over a decade ago now and i held on to that and i worked in corporate i you know worked in publishing support i worked in content development and all these different spaces that none felt really aligned with me and eventually i was made redundant from the last job that i had took some time off deliberately and then i realized i wasn’t going to find a job that fit my my checklist because it didn’t exist and i was tired basically of checking my values at the door to get a paycheck and then i broke my ankle and i sprained the other ankle at the same time which was fun a bit of an overachiever aren’t you still just a little bit yes so it was the most ridiculous incident i was i was basically having a hissy fit because my son was having a hissy fit and so i had him in my arms i was stomping off back to our apartment which was across the road from our apartment and i didn’t look where i was stepping and i basically slipped off the edge of those really high heritage curbs um and i fell and i twisted so that i wouldn’t land on him yeah and snap right um that was interesting so as a result of that i ended up living with my parents for six weeks while i recovered enough to be able to go back upstairs to my home and it was during that time that my dad said hey so how’s your job search going and i’m like no job set no um and so he said why don’t you try the freelance writing you’ve been talking about that for quite a while you know maybe this is a good time to try and i said that doesn’t really seem like a secure thing to be pursuing and he’s looking at me going you don’t have a job what are you losing exactly what are you risking to try that um and so it’s kind of like you know that you know when your dad’s right he’s right and you can’t like do anything about it so i was like you know what okay yeah you’re right so you know next minute i had a website and two clients and it kind of evolved from there but it was again not really what i was meant to be doing and as i went through that journey of you know niching and finding my ideal client and the kind of people that i felt best um i could help i went from just doing freelance blogging to sort of content coaching around um women entrepreneurs so helping them come come up with ways to create their content that felt empowering and that didn’t feel overwhelming and frustrating and you sit there going i need to i must write content right now and you know nothing’s coming out and they’re freaking out and they’re like i hate content because it’s not easy and um that felt way more aligned but i just thought i kept coming back to this idea of books and this idea of story and how do i do this on my own how do i do this not as an employee of a publishing house how do i do this you know and i sat with her for a whole year before i finally decided to start my publishing company and what finally inspired me to do it was i i saw this whole um there’s this phenomenon moment with multi-author books and i it’s basically the same thing as what we did with the the anthologies that that we did and i thought okay well i know how to do that but i don’t want to do it the same as everything that i’m seeing i want to create my own unique thing and what is it that i can bring to this other than my qualifications and my experience in actually doing that like what is it that i can bring to this and i came back to this idea of writing as a healing process and that was basically the process that i went through when it came to that point that i was in you know a new mom i had a small child and i was recently separated and i had started a blog at the time to kind of diffuse my own confusion around certain things um in in that sort of new mum phase and that platform eventually evolved into a place to talk about things that were important to me like doing divorce differently and being a single parent and addressing those things you know because there is a stigma to being a single parent it doesn’t matter how you got to be a single parent as soon as somebody finds out that you are one then they have all these assumptions about how that happened um or if you’re divorced they find that your divorce they start to pity you because oh you know you must have gone through all of this stuff and well yeah you know you go through a whole bunch of crap when that happens whether you divorce amicably or not because that is a huge transition in your life that is a huge phase of stress or of grief or of you know whatever it is that you go through and just because it is a challenging time it doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing or that it’s the wrong thing and people look at divorce as a wrong thing something went wrong right something broke you failed and that like society has that you know in general largely right like not everyone thinks this way but there is kind of still the generalization of divorce is bad something bad must have happened somebody must have done something wrong and this whole mentality around divorce and i didn’t want to be in that space of oh my god you know i’m a divorced person like when when it actually happened that was kind of in retrospect i realized that that was the part that made me the most upset about the the end of marriage was oh my god i don’t want to be a divorced person i don’t want to deal with all the crap that comes with being a divorced person because we have i mean we have divorce people in our family and for the most part they were not positive experiences and and into the judgment that you already have when you’re like yeah i’m divorced or yeah i’m separated or whatever it is right and and just having that ability to say to other people you know what there’s a different way you can do this and you know what even if your divorce was the worst thing ever you can still change that right even if your ex partner is not up for it i’m glad that mine is we had a you know we we say you know if you can do divorce right then i think we’re doing pretty good you know um but even if you haven’t had that experience where it was sort of you know fairly easy or amicable or whatever you want to call it i mean it wasn’t easy like let’s be honest it wasn’t easy but you know it was amicable and even if you haven’t had that from the beginning it’s still something you can achieve or even if it’s something that you cannot achieve from both parties you can still be empowered from that experience you can choose to not be a victim from your circumstance you can choose to learn from that opportunity and grow and that’s that’s what challenge is really when you when you come across challenges in your life they are opportunities for you to learn and opportunities for you to grow and decide what you want to do with what you learn and through that process through the writing the mummy blog through my journaling just you know random things that i thought of things that frustrated me things that i didn’t understand you know i had a small baby i had you know i was you know went from being a woman to being a first-time mom to being a separated mum within the first sort of five months of my son’s life and while still on maternity leave you know and and through that process i was able to heal through the use of of writing and it wasn’t writing for anybody else it was writing just to process my thoughts and just to you know work through ideas and things that i was thinking about things i wanted to do and and it was during that period where i asked myself one day and this was a question i’d ask myself quite a few times what am i going to do now and that time the answer was anything i want literally anything i want and that was a really scary thought what what can i do i could literally do anything i want and i mean it took a long time to actually do the thing that i wanted but that was a really liberating and empowering thought to have and that came out of that process of me exploring things through words which has always been my default right like i’ve always been like the writer i always write things down and process things through writing and so when it came to finally setting up my publishing company i thought something clicked in my head healing why is this about healing because it was for me and it can be for so many people and so that’s why i created my programs around this idea of of using writing to activate your healing journey right you share your story because you want to help others you want to heal others but in the process it keeps healing you even if you’ve done all this work to to heal whatever it is that you’re healing from you can still heal through the writing things that you don’t even know are still there and as you work through the process and i’m finding this with my authors as they’re working through the the sessions that we have together and the writing process that they they go through is they find new things to to think about and they find new ways to to frame their story so that they can use that to empower other people and it finally feels like after all these years of all that study and all that work this is what i’m meant to be doing this is my soul work and you know it’s it’s it’s still in the early days but it’s something that’s going to make an impact just like that that book that we didn’t really know what was going to come out of that more than 10 years ago that is the kind of impact that it’s going to have just on a larger scale and that is why i’m so passionate about words because words have power and i was actually i was listening to one of those episodes um one of your other episodes and it was the one on the gratitude and she was talking about how we have power in our thoughts and it’s so true i mean that’s how you manifest things whether they’re good or bad right and and and i mean that’s how i manifested my broken ankle actually i literally screamed that day oh my god i need a break because i was just super frustrated and then i literally got a break so i was like yeah next time i better be careful but um and she said i know it’s ridiculous um but in this episode she said that she understood the power of the way that she thought and the and the the effects it had on her life and on her illness to think differently and to use that gratitude and to create the life that she wanted and that’s kind of the same approach that i take with the writing is that words have power and the words that you choose have an effect on what happens after that and they even say like if you’re if you’re religious you’re a christian i mean i’m not really religious but i am catholic and i have a lot of friends who who are and they say speak life over whatever it is that you’re talking about speak life over your business speak life over your family and don’t dwell in the words that draw in the negativity that draw in you know the darkness and and that’s the same concept it says choose the words that you want to effect change in your life just you know on your own or on a greater scale but it’s so often that you actually don’t know what you really want isn’t it it’s so often that you write something down or spell something out put something into words and you suddenly think what what did you what did my fingers just right there and it’s often a shortcut from your soul out onto the paper and the moment you see it then wow okay and and that that’s a beautiful thing because when when else can you actually have that feedback loop too deep deep deep down into your recesses down there and writing journaling a diary can be so powerful to do that that is what you what you have experienced throughout your whole life and it’s amazing that that it keeps coming back to you like like like a frisbee that you throw away and it just boomerang not a frisbee a boomerang sort of going straight back to you yeah yeah so how many times did you have to throw the boomerang until you actually got the message again oh so many times i mean 10 years like 10 years of of of say of knowing that i’m meant to do something with this and being scared of it or over analyzing it or second guessing myself i mean imposter syndrome oh my god don’t even get me started tall poppy i mean you know what i’m talking about tall poppy in australia and new zealand is just you know it’s just the worst and and you grow up like that and even if you’ve got a supportive family which i’m lucky enough to have there are people around you who don’t want to see you grow too big and you know you start going oh look at the thing that i just achieved because you’re so proud and you’re so excited and you’re so happy and all of a sudden someone chops your head off because it’s not okay to be proud it’s not okay to celebrate your achievements because apparently that’s arrogant so you know you have that conditioning from society that you should just be quiet and you should stay small and you should just like you know be qui like just accept whatever whatever happens and just you know do that that job that drains you for the rest of your life and i’m just like no i hate it i don’t want to do this anymore and i mean i did corporate for for 11 years and and the last job that i had went across seven years and it changed so much in that time from what i started doing there and there were some amazing people and there were some not so amazing people but in in essence the job itself and the environment was not right for me and i know that a lot of people are finding this and in particular women and especially mothers when they go back afterwards um are finding that quite a soul-draining type of of experience to return to and that’s exactly what i was feeling at the time i just felt like i can’t do this anymore and i even said that to my boss i said i can’t go where this job is going my brain is not meant for this stuff that is happening in this job this is not the job that i took seven years ago i don’t enjoy it all the little bits of the job that i do enjoy get taken away by automation or by uh you know recalibrating the organization to whatever new vision the ceo has or the shareholders have or whatever it is and i’m just tired i’m tired of this i’m tired of not doing well at my job and i mean i’m up for a challenge or i wouldn’t have started a publishing company but there is a difference between being positively and uh challenged and empowered in in the challenge compared to constantly feeling like you’re fighting to be able to do your job that’s not a good environment for anybody that isn’t like an invitation to be stressed out for the rest of your life and that’s just not something i was willing to go through and that redundancy was a blessing in disguise for me because it was like okay you can’t do this job anymore no worries here’s money go do whatever you want and you know and and and and it’s interesting that you were saying you know when you speak these words you don’t know what you want i literally said oh my god i need more money because i’m in the process of buying this apartment and the next day which was the day after i submitted the loan application i was made redundant i was like okay yay that’s right you got that wrong whoever was listening no no no no you read that wrong [Laughter] but it was really it was a really interesting experience the way that everything happened and and and i think that it’s just i would like to change that perspective and i think that’s one of the main values i have behind what i’m doing is i want to change the perspectives that people have about the experiences that they have because even if something sucks there’s still something that you can learn and take away from that and it depends on how you choose to view the experience so you can choose to be like oh my god you know what was me and i mean i’ve done that everyone’s done that but did you get stuck in that loop or do you take a step away from that loop and go okay i could stay there in that little you know abyss of thoughts that are just dragging me down or i can go what can i do with this and it’s a question that you have to ask yourself a hundred times over because every time a new thing happens you go okay what do i do with this what can i take away from this what can i create from this and it’s a completely different mindset it’s a completely different approach to doing stuff and it’s not easy it’s not i mean it becomes easier but it’s not easy i mean you have to learn just to do it you have to teach yourself absolutely so that’s the romina right now the empowered woman the woman that her great-great-grandmother would be so proud of uh coming through such a i mean if you look back at the super chats and look back at at women who were fighting for their first bit of empowerment and now compare that with looking at you being calm serene yeah i’ll do a publishing house thank you very much exactly you know come on come on so this is beautiful beautiful to hear and that’s your strength you have gone for that but why did you not fall into the temptation to go for the poor me poor me pour me another one for example alcohol would that have not been an easy and easy way out the mummy wine culture you know it is yeah i suppose so well i was never a big drinker to begin with probably wouldn’t have been my default thing um when i when i do get emotional or when i do get stressed out i tend to eat chocolate so that’s my my advice there is chocolate you know in in my pantry at all times um but i get to the point where i’m like what am i doing i get to the point where i annoy myself and i’m like and and and i think that probably because i am i’m not a very patient person by nature and so i get to this point where i’m just like this is ridiculous and and i would not watch somebody else do this and not say anything so why am i doing it and and i guess i’m lucky from that perspective because it’s you know and and also one thing i didn’t want as well was other people’s pity i wanted people’s support but not pity and i thought well everyone if i play the victim which i didn’t at the beginning i felt like oh my god i’m lost and i don’t know you know a huge life change right you’re a new mom you suddenly are not partnered and you know all the stuff that happens and you go oh my god you know my life is like completely different now what am i going to do what’s my life like what’s the future like because you’ve projected a life into the future right because you you walk into these things having ideas about what’s going to happen with your life but the truth is we never really know what’s going to happen with our life and so you you walk into that with these ideas and then you lose these ideas and you have to create new ideas which is actually super great but at the time you go oh my god i don’t even know what am i gonna do and so i thought i can stay stuck in this on my god loop or i can go okay let’s just move forward and then you know move back and then move forward again and move back and it’s a stop start thing until you get more practice and until you feel more in control of yourself and the things that you want until you have more clarity um and so i didn’t want to have this you know oh my god poor romina oh my god you know all this stuff i would prefer to have hey do you need help with whatever you want me to make you food yes please because i hate cooking or like do you want me to do this you want me to do that and and that’s a way more empowering journey and it’s way more um not that i set out to be inspirational but when people learn about the way that you can do things the way that i’ve done my journey and the way that women that i work with have done their journeys that actually becomes inspiring simply because of the way it was you know not because you wanted it to be that way but because you said okay this is what i’ve done i felt like this is a good journey i feel like i’ve learned stuff that i can share and help other people with and then so they learn from that and go wow actually i could be doing this differently or i could be helping this other person do this differently i can help my clients do these things differently and that is really like it’s it’s a really great feeling to have because you feel like you are like if you can help one person think differently or one person do things differently that is going to have a snowball effect because then that person is going to do the same and then that person’s going to do the same that person is going to help three people and that person is going to help 10 people and it just goes into this huge ripple of change in the way that people think in the world and we really need that right now so true so true what you have described is essentially recovery that is exactly what you where you end up after you have gone through darkness with drugs or with alcohol where you’ve gone through darkness with depression and you come out the other end and there is a certain process that happens and it’s it’s actually virtually always the same you you recognize you’re in trouble and you admit that you need help and then you find to help you you align yourself with people who have been there done that where you want to be somewhere in between you have to decide who you want to be that’s fair call and but then once you know that and you have aligned yourself and surrounded yourself with with people who are truly on your side and by your side now that’s where the real journey begins and we’re all on on such a journey but you have no idea where it leads you you just see a very winding path and as you say you you you constantly change because constantly there is another challenge coming in or another idea coming in or for you you you work with different authors so the moment you go through a more emotional topic with an offer and guide her or him through it inevitably that will bring up some memories in you and maybe some not so nice things in you when this other person talks about grief you might suddenly realize actually there’s quite a lot of work that i need to do because something you know suddenly you get really really angry about something that he might have written then you realize actually why am i angry hmm and so yes it is it’s a really interesting engagement isn’t it like with with other people’s emotional journeys because you can you can be triggered by something that they do or say that you know reflects your own journey or even you can take on their like i mean i’m an empath so that’s already that’s already a recipe for you know um i’m not going to say disaster because it’s not really a disaster but sometimes i will take on that energy and go where did this come from this is not even mine and then you have to go and be aware of that and release that because then you start bringing it into your life and i mean i’m gonna lie it’s hard sometimes to release other people’s energy that just like sticks to you um but you’re absolutely right it’s it’s it’s a delicate journey and it’s not one that i would take with my authors without recommending that they ensure that they have the right support for whatever it is that their journey is um i mean i went through my journey through writing but of course i had the support of a counselor that was appropriate for the time that i was you know needing that support and i had you know the family and the network that i that i have um and depending what kind of experience you’ve had or what kind of trauma you’ve had then if you’re going to willingly walk into a journey where you’re going to probably be triggered then you need to have the right kind of support alongside you because as much as this is healing and as much as this is definitely going to have an impact on the way that you think about your story there are probably going to be some moments that you’re like what am i doing why am i going back here and it’s going to be hard to remember why you wanted to do it in the first place which was to help someone else not have to go through that or to get out of the same thing that you went through so true so true and that’s i i can very much relate to that because as a doctor i’m intimately involved in lives that that cross my path and sometimes i am there when these people make life and death decisions or when i actually have to make a life and death decision for someone and these are these are moments where it is hard sometimes not to find yourself in the right place let me rephrase that a bit for me it’s if there’s a life and death emergency that’s easy i go into that warrior mode and i’ll do whatever needs to be done doesn’t matter my emotions will not shine through i turn ice cold and what needs to be done needs to be done but if i have time to actually let the empath out that has in the past at times led to beautiful moments when i was able to cry with a family who said goodbye to their loved one and that is beautiful i have no problem with that but equally at times i have taken on so much of the suffering from others that i myself got hurt deeply deeply hurt and burned out emotionally due to that transference off of emotions so you’re quite right this is a very very careful thing so sometimes you you open medusa’s box and and you think bloody hell but did i just stir up here this is not a hornet’s nest this is all the hornets of this world and then another galaxy yeah and that and it is what it is it is uh but that is that is our our life and often enough we are keeping ourselves so busy with social media and doing this and doing that and doing that we don’t give ourselves time to think and therefore we also don’t give ourselves time to heal whilst you are actually facilitating that healing because you ask people to write things down and it takes a little while to write things down it does do you feel a difference between writing things down by hand or writing it in the computer absolutely yes there is absolutely a difference when you write by hand it’s actually making your brain work differently so it helps with memory it helps with distillation of the ideas that you have in your head and so what i usually say to people i mean i always say okay if writing by hand is not your thing okay fine find the way that works for you but the important thing is to get it out of your head because when it’s in your head you’re you’re connecting with it in a different way you start analyzing it you’re all up in the mind and so if you write it out and in particular if you write it through by hand then you are grounding it and then you are removing yourself from it to some degree so that you can connect with it in a different way so you can have some level of of objectivity to what you’re trying to to write about or process because we’re not always writing it down to share it to distribute it sometimes we’re just writing it for our own purposes but we still need to get out of the loop that you get stuck in in your brain you need to have a different way of looking at it and so i usually say to my clients is write it down preferably in a notebook but if not type it out record an audio memo if that’s you know if you’re an oral um learner then that is probably a better way to do it for you i am a visual kinesthetic so if i record stuff and then listen to it i will literally fall asleep i’ve done it before i’ve fallen asleep in okay i fell asleep in a conference call with like the partners of our department looking at me [Laughter] not an oral learner at all i had to type or write constantly during my uni lectures or i would falsely so find the way that works for you and then connect with that in a different way and if you do the oral thing like if you record a memo you will inevitably have to write something down so don’t think you’re getting away from writing but it definitely helps you to connect with it in a different way and i absolutely personally feel a difference in writing by hand compared to typing it out i feel like typing is way more just stream of consciousness just like and i’m not really um i mean that’s a good thing sometimes and i i do advocate for channel writing or free writing whatever you want to call it where you just write and don’t think you don’t analyze what you’re writing don’t judge what you’re writing don’t analyze or edit or do anything to what your writers write it um and for me it works way better when i do it by hand and this is an exercise that i like to do with with many of my clients is just write whatever comes because they often say i don’t know what to write about for my blog post or i don’t know what to write about i don’t know what my story is about i don’t know how to turn my experience into my story right and i’m just like okay that’s okay there is a process to this we don’t just sit there and magically write a book right i mean some people can do that but in general that is a process that happens over time there are many iterations of this book or of this story or this blog post it’s not just magically yeah let’s write one thing it’s perfect first draft and we publish it okay that’s not reality for most people um i’m pretty sure even like the best sellers it’s not a reality for most of them and on top of that they have editors so you know get that thought out of your head um and so what you do then is you you write this whatever comes to your brain even if it doesn’t make sense don’t analyze it don’t judge it don’t try to like fix it while you’re writing because you’re going to cut off the flow editing and writing are two different processes your brain works differently when you’re doing them don’t do them at once even if you’re experienced if you’re doing this as a channeling exercise don’t do that so once you’ve written everything then you can go back and go okay what came out why did this come out it will give you more questions or it will give you clarity around certain things and then you can take that and create your piece or you can take that and ask more questions and do more writing and you can use that as a way to work through your thoughts without having any intention whatsoever of publishing that into the world it works for for all different purposes so that is what i really find empowering and healing about writing absolutely true this is sort of a book that as always lives with me um you know i put some bits on the front that that speak to me and no one no one can nick it and think it is his because there are some very private very private things in there um but i uh yes it is my my my life i guess to a certain degree it is sort of i’m writing things in there then okay today these are these patients i’ve seen etc so it’s it’s a diary but at the same token i make a point i force myself sometimes to just write something down and a it amazes me what comes out and you’re right the handwriting in its own right gives me one thing the speed writing uh on the other hand has surprised me in the past when i was writing for kaizen right or my steps to sobriety equally i had moments when i had writer’s block and i didn’t know what to write and i drove somewhere to a lake and forced myself okay you just right now it doesn’t matter what comes out you just write and i find that much faster on a computer i’m i’m quite a fast typer and suddenly i was amazed what came out there where the hell is this coming from and i just kept going kept going and half of it was rubbish but half of it as you said brought me forward and there’s again it’s a using using techniques to ask your brain certain questions and sometimes you don’t even know which question you’re supposed to ask so therefore that’s the free writing coming in wait just say that’s right and then from there you can actually then take it uh it’s the same but but i guess to what people do with meditation what people do with sensory deprivation uh et cetera you you give yourself actually you press the pause button and actually connect with something in there and let it come out and that’s beautiful it is we actually use meditation in the programs that i run all right um and before we do a session with each author we’ll do a little meditation that’s designed to help them with the theme of that session so if we’re connecting with their story working out what they’re going to say i have a meditation that’s about you know what do i need to share what am i supposed to write about what you know the question can literally be what am i supposed to talk about today what am i supposed to share with the world like it doesn’t have to be something so targeted that’s like what is my story about and how is it going to you know it’s it’s not about that it’s just about the first step and then the next step and then the next step and it’s it’s so and same same as with typing you can still do it with typing i’m not saying that doesn’t work i just prefer doing it by hand if it’s about um clarity because it’s it’s a different process when you do it by hand and if you don’t have clarity then it’s for me beneficial to do it you know in a notebook or something um but you can absolutely just type it up and i often work with my clients that way actually i have clients that are writing like book clients and then i have clients that are content clients and a lot of the work that we do together is we come together in a session and then go okay i need to fix my website copy or i need to write a blog post about this thing and here are my dot points and i don’t really know how to make it good and so what we do in that session is we just talk i say okay talk about your thing it doesn’t matter if it makes sense just talk and we’ll see what happens and what we do in that process is draw out the essence of what their experience has been or or the message that they’re trying to convey or the work that they do and and that’s something that i’ve discovered through the course of my work that i’m actually really good at and so what we do then is we sit there and i will literally write their copy live while they just talk about what they do and then we read it over and tweak it a little bit and stuff and then they go oh wow just from sitting here talking to someone about what i do we now suddenly have this piece of usable copy not only usable copy but feels aligned to them and they feel happy to share that other than rather than stuff that they’ve sort of cobbled together and go oh my god this doesn’t really sound right but i have to post so here’s my thing and it’s a different process and and i really like using these techniques because i i want them to feel empowered that’s my whole thing about what i do in my in my work and it came from my blog actually when i was doing the blog and i changed from the whole oh my god you know let’s not be confused first-time moms to let’s actually talk about the issues then i had people reaching out to me saying oh wow that actually really helped me and that made me feel like i could make choices or i could make changes and that became a value that i built that that sight on was empowering women especially mothers and that’s something that i’ve brought into my business because that’s important to me empowering them and using words because that’s where i shine like that’s my thing people some people less you know motivational speakers some people are super technical amazing wizards who create all these things and i’m looking at oh my god how did you even make that you know everyone has their area where they’re amazing at something and you know zone of genius and you know old me would have been like oh my god i can’t say i have a zone of genius but everyone does you know i know we are so so uh it is our nature to put ourselves down we never celebrate our achievements we never well most of us we feel bad about accepting a compliment you know oh you look you look really nice in that do you think i’m fat what do you mean what do you mean no i mean it really it’s lovely lovely hair oh my hair’s not right what do you mean it is so bizarre but that is how we are how we are at times hardwired and that is something that we really need to take a big screwdriver and have this vinyl playing and go that it will never play like that again because you need to celebrate your little achievements you need to celebrate that you have just written 2 000 words do you mean sometimes you need to celebrate that you’ve written one sentence because you had a bloody block and the sheer fact that you wrote one sentence is amazing because your kids are screaming and you have to do 15 other things and who does the shopping especially a single mom like you there you go and a single mom not as a label but simply as a role because you are juggling a hell of a lot so you know it is what it is so therefore to actually so do when you write yourself how do you write do you write early morning before the keto is awake or how do you play that um i’m not a morning person um i am not a morning person so i tend not to write in the morning i used to be a super late evening night person and i would write best and work best at that time and even during uni i would do all my assignments then um and and nowadays what i’ve actually done is i don’t try to do my work or my sort of hobbies really when my son is there because i want to be present with him and i have the flexibility now to do that to take him to daycare and to you know he calls it school because he really likes it he wants to go and learn and you know so take him to school and to go places go visit his grandparents or go on little road trips or whatever it is and so the times where he’s not there when he’s at daycare when he’s with his dad or with his grandparents or you know wherever he happens to be that’s the time that i have for my staff and so i have created schedules for myself for each day because each day is different where i have blocks of time to do certain things and so that way i am sort of eliminating the guilt that i have around the things that i’m not doing because you know mom guilt is real and um so in certain blocks i will do house things in certain blocks i will do client stuff in certain blocks up we’ll do like i’ll sit there and watch netflix for an hour and not feel guilty because that’s what i’m supposed to be doing in that time and so that’s what i do with with finding my writing time i have time where i block off time for doing my work like my business content and i’ll sit there and it’s usually a time where i naturally flow so it’ll usually be in the afternoon um and if i’m writing on like if i’m working on my book or on on my group book that we’re in the process of producing um i will do that at times that feel aligned for that work um usually in the afternoon or in the after my son’s gone to bed and that’s the time that works best for me some people might write best in the morning some people like to get up and actually write um they do gratitude pages before they start their day or some people they will just sit there and write their dreams because they’ll be ideas and things that come from their dreams so they keep a dream journal or some people will just get up and go okay i’m going to make a list of the three things i’m going to achieve today and anything else is a bonus it depends on what their their approach is what their mindset is you know how their brain works how they like to do things it’s all different for everybody i like to have a list of um just all the things i have to achieve in like until the end of time and then i kind of crossed them off because seeing that visually eliminated to me feels like i’m making progress i really need to see visual progress of what i’m doing and it’s been an interesting recent experience where i’m actually in the process of finishing my unpacking from a move a few months ago and decluttering and sorting and organizing stuff which i really enjoy but feels depressing sometimes because in order to create order you have to create disarray and so if you were to look at my office floor there is stuff all over it there are boxes and rubbish and toys because you know toys are just everywhere and um that is really depressing to me so when i see something completed like you can see this um cupboard thing in the background that is a visual marker for me that i made progress last weekend because that thing got organized and you can’t see the bookshelves but they now have books in them and for me that’s like yay that’s like the little work checklist that i have or the house work checklist that i have that to me shows me that i’m making progress and that’s just the way that i work other people are just like i don’t have to have that i can have my little um digital calendar reminders i hate digital calendar reminders i’m like do i you know an alarm is enough i already have to get annoyed every morning turning an alarm off why do i have to have these things popping up at me um so that’s that’s what i do i create pockets of time that are dedicated to specific things and then within that time as long as i get something done related to that theme of that pocket then i’m happy because i feel like i’ve done something rather than trying to do all the things at once or trying to go which one should i do first you know it’s it’s just like spinning around in your head and you go oh my god i’m not doing anything i’m just arguing with myself and that is so beautiful and that is exactly that’s one chapter in my book which i’m actually saying you know set your priorities and try to achieve those things that you that are important for you right now but not important because it is social media or something like that try to to see what is your vision what is your your your goal out there and then try to figure out okay what do i need to do to achieve that goal and try to do at least one thing every day to work towards that goal now if other things are lying that’s cool if the whole day falls apart that’s cool too as long as you’ve done one thing that allowed you to get closer to where you want to be and that is such a powerful thing and and it’s that the old the old story of the professor in front of the class has got the little pebbles the large stones the sand the water etc and basically put in the big stones first but for that you need to know what are the important bits in your life for that you need to think for 19 for that you need to stop for a moment and say okay who am i right now is that the person i want to be and if yes congratulations i’m so pleased for you uh chances are no and then the question is yeah who do you want to be when you grow up it doesn’t matter if you’re 70 or 17 who do you want to be and what do you need to do to be that person and you have found that for yourself you have come you’ve made peace with the chaos you have accepted the hour of me time let it be netflix let it be having a spa whatever it is that is your me time and you’re celebrating it the chocolate you’re celebrating it congratulations you’re an addict as far as sugar is concerned but absolutely it is what it is but yeah everything in moderation okay so in in and that’s what i love to hear you have you have got many many many of the habits that successful people have and that that alcoholics and recovery have gained the hard way because our life has been chaotic in the past they give you that so these kind of things so and that’s the same with mental health you create a clarity you create a mission and that is really really really exciting to hear so to to see you shine and to see you going out there and actually achieving what you want to achieve after many detours in your life that’s cool again we all detour how many exactly i know that’s normal that’s novel i always keep saying if you’re traveling from here to honolulu um how many times do you think that the pilot is actually on the right course virtually never because it’s always going like that it’s always going like that and some lives it’s going like that hey where am i to judge i was there mine was a roller coaster but i’ve made a conscious decision now to seek serenity to seek authenticity to seek the the true me and for that i i needed to stop i needed a pause and i still need to every day really need to give myself if i don’t do it for a few days i’m getting really ready i’m gonna get angry and then you think what the hell is going on because you’re in complete survival i’m complete survival really rolling with the punches because i only respond to what is out there i’m no longer in control you put yourself in control that’s what you tell your mums you put them into control again of a very chaotic world that they had never experienced before especially when they’re first moms so it’s such a catastrophic thing with with all the hormones thrown in for crying out loud don’t even get me started on that exactly i mean i mean it’s it’s i was on the receiving end with my wife when she went for two pregnancies so and and i wouldn’t have it any other way but that’s that’s you guys that’s you with these two silly x chromosomes you oh they are going no it is and you’re right i mean there’s so many different factors involved and if we don’t give ourselves the time to have that clarity we don’t really realize what’s happening and we definitely respond instead of you know act and make conscious choices and i mean i’m far from from removed from being in that responsive space of you know oh you know maybe i had a really bad night of sleep and so the next day i’m really crabby and so i’ll just respond to everything if i don’t take the time to go actually no breathe and just you know send to yourself and then act then we have a really horrible day at home so you know and and as much as you can teach your children certain ways and and you know you can try to teach them mindfulness and things that we we talk about fat belly breathing is what we call our um you know mindful breathing um because he goes oh my belly’s fat you know when we first started doing we started doing it so that’s what we call fat belly breathing but if we don’t um i mean we can only teach them so much because they’re so small and they can they can learn and they can absorb so much but their their mental development is is limited compared to what we have the ability to do ourselves and so really it falls to us to have that responsibility of how do i react to this how do i create the space where this can you know be contained and looked at from a positive and empowering perspective and i mean that’s really hard that’s probably one of my hardest challenges as a mom and i’m i’m sure that even if i wasn’t a single mom i probably would still have that same challenge because that’s just my personality and my my my temperament is like that and mine’s just like if i get stressed i’m just like aggro right that’s just how i am and and i work at that because i don’t want to be like that all the time you know sometimes you can’t help it but you can help it a lot of the time so and that’s yeah and that’s that’s if you as you were saying you have to stop and give yourself that moment to get clear on what it is that you want to do who do i want to be right now in this moment what do i want to achieve and then make the choices or the actions necessary to do that goal romina what a beautiful beautiful interview i mean this is you’re so spot-on and i see a lot of uh beautiful developments transformations that you have gone through and the clarity of your thinking that for many people is very foreign and it’s lovely to to have you guiding guiding people out there so if people are actually thinking wow okay she really touched her touch the nerve there how can they get hold of you how can they work with you okay well i am mostly on facebook i do have instagram half the time i forget i have instagram i probably shouldn’t say that um but my handle is alchemy of alignment that’s all one word um and at the moment we are working on our mother’s circle collaborative book which really ties all of my journey together really i chose that on purpose as the first program because it was the closest to my heart to to help mothers to share their stories and empower other mothers and you know um use that as an authentic way to show up in business you know because they they sharing their story helps people understand how they can then help their clients um so mother circle actually still has a couple of spots uh remaining if anyone is interested in finding out about that um and then of course i will have other collaborative programs and i’m in the process also of creating solo programs um and you can find out about those on my website which is just romina cavaniola.com forward slash next for whatever’s coming up beautiful romina thank you so much it’s been such a beautiful beautiful time i’m very humbled that you shared all this these beautiful things with me romina thank you so much and you guys out there you know what have you got to lose why not get in touch with me now why not check her out you know if you’ve got an idea in your head and you think hey actually this was exactly the pause button that i needed in my life now and it’s a time to re-evaluate my own values my own my own thinking my own being then using your words and putting them down on paper can be such a powerful thing to do so it really can absolutely it might very well be the one thing that changes your life forever exactly that’s so true so true now so you guys out there look after yourself stay strong and romina thank you very much again for a lovely lovely interview stefan thank you for having me it’s been great thank you so much true


rn
169 Romina Cavagnola: Empowering women through words and the healing power of story
rn

Related Posts

Leave a Comment